Amir on domestic violence

Amir has done an excellent job so far. Such problems were always known and talked about. But his presentation and use of his celebrity status he made people to think provoke questions and talk about such issues like never before. People might argue such shows won’t change anything, but change in the society is always brought at a slower pace and such provoking questions and talk is the driving force for the change. Actually the problem of domestic violence is all over the world is similar and same intensity like us even in advanced western societies. But the difference in our society is that the tendency of suffering in our society is much larger due to supression social ethos & lack of woman empowerment. Amir has mainly stressed the issue of men hegemony in our society which is main cause of the domestic violence and related issues in our country.

Amir khan on Satyamev Jayate TV show 2012

Regarding domestic violence he portrayed on this Sunday I have little bit to say. I am not a psychologist or therapist, but I keep reading a lot about the aspects of human psychology. So following is just my opinion not a study or conclusion.

Domestic violence is what has Amir defined it correctly then in such violence largely men are involved and likely to be 99:1. Out of men also the % of the so called family head must be making a majority. I would like to categories these two main streams

1. Less serious, manageable
Men who cannot handle emotional stress generated by family members create such domestic violence.

2. Serious, not manageable
Substance abusers (Drinkers, drugs etc.)
Egoistic men whose ego is hurt at work or at house create such domestic violence (Histrionic personality)
Men suffering from personality disorders ( especially Narcistic and Borderline)
Psychopaths
In category 1 the violence could be resulting from heated argument between family members or other unpleasant situations. This I call it managable because in such cases if the family members know the anger pattern of the person they can pretty well handle the sitation and such incidences can be avoided. Or with maturity the people learn how to handle emotions and avoid the voilence in future unpleasant scenarios. In such cases after voilence the men often goes into immense remorse and takes self correcting action.  

The second category I call it not manageable because in such cases whatever the family members do the violence cannot be avoided. Unless the violent person understands the problem lies with himself and tries to self correct it.  In such cases also the violent people might show a great remorse on their actions, but the difference from category 1 is the inability to make the self correction. In second cases depending on the gravity of the situation the suffering family members should take the decision weather she wants to suffer or leave.I say if the frequency of the violence is more than once in 6 months. The sufferer should find out consulting with professional psychlogists, in which of the following problem he fits and based on that decision should be taken weather to stay with such person or not. In my opinion such domestic violence should not be tolerated and sufferer should make consultation with inner self and make a limit when to stop.

Please dont tolerate domestic violence

Substance abusers could be numerically high. We keep hearing news daily about drunken husband beating wife and children in the news papers and surrounding. Violent person and family members know the problem is due to intoxication and as long as he remains away they can avoid the nasty situation. If the person can get rid of the drinking or drug habit this is avoidable but we know how difficult is to get rid of such things.

For me the most worrying part is the people with immense ego, personality disorder & psychopaths, simply because the problem with them is perennial and hard to eradicate. Most of them even don’t know that such disorder exist and they are one of the patients of such disorder. Family members also don’t know that such behavior is a personality disorder and they assume that such behavior will change with time but in most of the situations they are wrong.

The aspect of egoistic men is covered by Amir already and also showed the examples some stupid men. I will also include the examples of those men, who cannot tolerate misbehavior of their wives in this category. (Style of expression their ego). People with personality disorder are very difficult to judge and categories and to adjust with. Most of them are victims of their past life (not birth) events and they show immense anger on slight criticism, slight mismatch, slight argument etc. in response they tend to humiliate the people they are associated with, through violence, verbal abuse, destroying surrounding things, furniture etc. Such are common responses and based on their other responses their disorder can be categorized into particular disorder. E.g. Anger of Narsistic person calms down only when you accept his/her terms & conditions etc and you must praise him/her even after Narsistic person makes your life hell. Borderline person convinces the opposite person is useless and shows immense hate and soon after the spell of anger convinces the opposite person as the most loving & desired person in his life (constant display of love and hate).   

So Amir has talked mainly about domestic violence, I would also like to add about the emotional violence or abuse. In such scenario numerically men and women are equal, ( I dont have any idea of numerical figures but I think so). In such cases the people might never raise hand or destroy property but makes use of very effective use of words, sarcasm, slang and silence as weapon and continuous, everyday & every night. People may term this as everyday life and happens in each and every person and family. This I agree, but I am here talking about the sufferers of personality disorders. Family members especially spouses and children suffer a great deal from such an emotional violence.

Main purpose of this blog is to make some awareness human psychology. Just like our science books in schools taught us about some primary diseases like cholera, typhoid malaria etc. In the same way the curriculum should include explaining some aspects of human psychology and most common disorders. So that at least family members such violent people will identify the problem and take necessary action to avoid to rage of such people.